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There are a few lessons I learned from Phee, the main character of The Family that Finds Us. She’s a complex character, one with a unique voice and a lot of different things feeding into how she perceives the world. She has a great family – one that’s found and born out of companionship rather than blood. Her birth mother is challenging to say the least, and a very complex relationship throughout the book.

The first lesson that set in from her experience, was that no matter what way you get there, it’s okay to be yourself no matter how much you’ve struggled with it. I’m speaking specifically in her queer identity – I hear a lot of older trans people talk about how frustrated they are that they didn’t transition until later in life, that they spent so long denying themselves when they knew it from an early age. No matter how you get there, there’s nothing wrong with it. Phee spends a lot of time fighting with herself, and didn’t even realize things until the world was opened up to her. It’s okay to not be ready. It’s okay to need to stay closeted for a while. There’s nothing wrong with you, there’s nothing wrong with needing time. This world is harsh, especially towards trans people. Sometimes, we have to prepare ourselves for what life will be like if we decide to transition, all the pros and cons. Being trans isn’t a choice, but transitioning is. It’s an option there and one that holds wonderful benefits for those who experience gender dysphoria, but we have to be ready for what the world will throw at us if we do. I denied my queer identity for a very long time and often felt that frustration with myself, but in writing Phee I learned that sometimes we need to hold more patience for ourselves in such a difficult position.

The second lesson I learned from Phee was that it’s okay to push back when people hurt you. You don’t have to forgive and forget, especially not right away. There’s a few scenes where she openly shows disdain for her mother and really feels badly for it, because it’s her mother. The truth is, that it’s okay to let people know when they’ve hurt us. If they react badly to being told that something they’ve done is hurtful, then it’s a lot more telling about them than it is about you. Standing up for yourself is difficult, and you should be praised for it rather than punished. If the reaction is to punish, then that person isn’t one you want to keep in your life. It doesn’t matter if the person is family, a friend you’ve had for years, or someone you view as important. If they’re not willing to hear that they’ve hurt you and take ownership of it, then they’re the one in the wrong.

There are many more lessons she taught me, but these two are the biggest.

Phee hides her secrets well, until they become too much to bear. Her biggest secret is one she’s kept even from herself. Her longest-kept secret is one that hurts her every day. Her final secret is one that will set her free.

In a school that doesn’t accept them, Phee, Theo, and Alex fight for a community close to their hearts. The community desperately needs the trio to help the rest of them leave the shadows without fear of violence and discrimination. Through some heroic activism, the three push the school officials to their limits — forcing them to act — for better or worse.

For Phee, the fight for a place where she can be herself doesn’t stop when she gets home. The strain of taking care of her alcoholic and abusive mother threatens to break Phee away from her family bond forever. Her mother can go from a messy drunk to an angry one in an instant, turning Phee’s home life from an obligation to a war zone.

Theo’s house offers respite to Phee. With compassion scarce in her life, Alex and Theo are Phee’s light in the dark. They protect and cherish her. At Theo’s, Phee is free to be herself and explore her identity safely — her chosen family ready to catch her if she falls. That’s what family does, how family finds us when we feel lost and alone.

Enjoy an Excerpt

“Thank you, my preciou-ous-es son.” She slurred her words as she spoke into the table, and I sighed inaudibly.

At least she wasn’t angry-drunk. This was the drunk I could handle, the drunk I knew how to care for. I’d been doing it half my life, it would be strange if I weren’t good at it by now. I finished the dishes and laid them out on the drying rack after wiping them dry with a kitchen towel, then sat down in the chair next to her at the table.

“Do you need anything, mom? Have you eaten? Drank anything?”

“Mmno.” She rolled her face to look at me, her deep dark eyes glistening but not completely there.

I got a plastic cup from the cupboard and filled it with some ice water and handed it to her. Her hands shook as she tried to lift the cup from mine, so I helped her guide it to her mouth and take a couple sips, then set it back down on the table in front of her. I rummaged through the fridge to pull out some milk and went to the pantry for some cereal. Only, as lifted the milk to pour, I felt objects hit the side of the carton. I opened the cap to take a whiff and gagged; the milk was sour. Sighing, I dropped the carton into the trash and opened the barren fridge to search for another option.

About the Author Born and raised in New England, Phoenix has always been a creative – whether it’s painting or writing. From a very young age, Phoenix has envisioned and created characters, writing them into existence and exploring them through visual arts. Having graduated to first-time short story author, Phoenix is embarking on a journey towards novel writing as they finally bring characters they’ve known for years into the world. Phoenix is neurodiverse and intersex and hopes to bring more representation to both topics with their writing. They believe in creating relatable characters that people can find themselves in and empathize with.

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