All I Know by Holly C. LaBarbera
Publisher: Buckberg Mountain Books
Genre: Contemporary, Mainstream fiction
Rating: 4 Stars
Reviewed by Cholla

Despite childhood trauma and tragedy, Kai Martin has never given up, rising from devastation to rebuild her life over and over again, in this inspiring story of strength and resilience.

Kai sees her life as a series of concentric circles—her twin brother Kade occupying the center sphere with her, their parents surrounding them in the next, and the Tyler family in the outer loop, a connection Kai plans to make official by someday marrying Josh Tyler. The Martins and Tylers share memorable times together, but under the surface, they are two dysfunctional families struggling with alcoholism, depression, and abuse, all of which leads to a horrifying event that knocks Kai off her axis and makes her doubt everything she thought she knew.

Josh is there through it all, and Kai eventually gets the romance she dreamed of, embarking on a life of travel and adventure with the boy she always loved. Yet reality is more complicated than any childhood fantasy, and when painful family patterns are reenacted between them, Kai must decide how much of herself she is willing to sacrifice for Josh.

Ultimately, Kai must confront the heartbreaking truth that as much as we try to help the people we love, we can only truly save ourselves.

Kai’s life hasn’t ever been easy, but it has been consistent. The presence of her family and their friends, the Tyler’s, is the most constant thing in her life. Neither family is perfect, but they are always there for each other, in their own awkward, dysfunctional way. For Kai, Josh Tyler, her best friend’s older brother, is a light in the dark throughout it all.

Despite living through tragedy and a childhood full of dysfunction, addiction, and violence, Kai never let it deter her from living the life she dreamed. She really blossoms into her own person when she manages to leave home to attend college in California. Reacquainting herself with her childhood crush – Josh Tyler – is the final step in her transformation. However, her strong will and independence are often sapped whenever Josh is around.

Throughout the entire story, Kai is pushing for Josh’s love, wanting what she’d dreamed of having since she was six years old. At times, it blinds her to the truth, and at others, she’s able to see more clearly and accept things as they truly are. She follows a desperate track, one that drags her into a vicious cycle of happiness that turns sour and nearly ends in destruction. It’s heartbreaking to watch Kai struggle and succeed, only to fall back into old habits.

Told through Kai’s eyes, as well as through a series of letters, All I Know, is an engaging and heart wrenching story of growing up and moving beyond your past to find the true you. Sometimes that means making bad decisions and owning up to them, something that Kai becomes an expert at by the end of the novel. A fantastic, if often tough, read, All I Know touches on some rough topics, but in a very real way, one that doesn’t sugarcoat the harsh truths of life.