Long and Short Reviews welcomes K.A. Mitchell who is visiting with us today to celebrate the recent release of Bad Behavior, book 5 in her Bad in Baltimore series.

They should be something from Dr. Suess, but they’re not.

Way back when I was fourteen, I read my mother’s copy of Shanna by Kathleen E. Woodiwiss. I loved it. Shanna was a different sort of heroine; she was the one who needed redeeming. She was the flawed character. Most romance heroines were supposed to suffer graciously. Shanna didn’t. She begins the book as Shanna Trahern and is later Shanna Beauchamp. I mention this because of one of my favorite Shanna moments: Someone rudely calls her that “Trahern bitch” behind her back. Shanna overhears and corrects her. “Tis Madam Beauchamp now. Madam Ruark Beauchamp, if you please, or if you don’t please, the Beauchamp bitch.”

I loved that clap back. But at fourteen, I read it wrong. It would have flowed a lot better if I’d known then that Beauchamp was not pronounced Bo-chahmp the way my ninth grade French tried to hear it, but Bee-chum. Now “the Beauchamp bitch” totally rolls off my tongue, mentally at least.

I loved that line and the name stuck in my head. I had a character who was just supposed to be a wealthy party boy getting his best friend Gavin (from Bad Attitude) in trouble. I never expected David Beauchamp to wake up from the coma that adventure put him in. But he did. He was flawed and bratty (even at 34) so I think Shanna would be proud of her literary descendent.

Now when I pick a name, I think about how it will sound in a reader’s head, so I try to make sure I know the correct pronunciation.

There are a lot of surnames out there, especially ones that come from the British Isles where the spelling and the pronunciation don’t match. Wikipedia says they’re heterophones. (Not to be confused with heterophobic, which my character Eli is often accused of being by other characters). Another way names that have a counterintuitive pronunciation come into play is as shibboleths, which in addition to other meanings serves as a way of separating the “in” crowd from the “out” crowd because the cool people pronounce things the “right” way. Shibboleths also distinguish locals vs. non-locals. For example, I know if someone pronounces a nearby town as Colony they’re not from here. We all say ColoNEE in these parts. (Colonie, NY).

So, in honor of David Aiken Beauchamp (and Shanna and Ruark), I thought I’d share five of my other favorite heterophones/shibboleths/counterintuitive surname pronunciations.

St. John

In England, it’s pronounced Sinjun, which is way sexier to say than it looks. I could totally see a hero with it as a first name. David’s uncle is Sinclair (St. Clair) but Uncle Sinclair is kind of a jerk, so that takes the shine off it.

Fotheringay This one is pronounced Fongy. I don’t know if that’s because humans are just too lazy to labor over all those extra letters or because it’s just cooler that way. I always think of Bertie Wooster talking about his friend Cyril Fotheringay-Phipps. That’s a mouthful.

Cockburn

Okay, I can totally see why if this was your last name you’d have to tell everyone it was really pronounced Co-burn. Can you imagine how many people react to someone with this name by smirking and saying, “You should see a doctor for that”?

Pepys

Needing medicine for erectile dysfunction already makes a husband feel like less than a man, adding to this the possible loss of a job that pays decent sums generic viagra line http://www.aimhousepatong.com/gallery.html and better growth prospects. Other men were http://aimhousepatong.com/item4864.html generic cialis on line only when they wanted to have sex. You can also confirm the legality and reputation of the pharmacy by going to online forums and discount viagra india reading their reviews. The stomach and the colon viagra purchase online are given a lot of attention the last few years. Since there’s a famous guy with this name, I’ve seen it a lot. Unfortunately, it’s not very peppy, or even like Pepe Le Pew. It’s pronounced Peeps. I would have gone with Peppys. More fun.

I saved my favorite for last. I used to work a job that required me to write names on ever smaller forms for a sporting event. I dreaded seeing this one. I have no idea how this weird heterophone happened. Maybe someone’s grandfather was just messing around and it stuck. Ready?

Featherstonehaugh (try writing that legibly on a centimeter-long line)

How do you pronounce this 17-letter appellation?
Fanshaw. Seriously? All that for Fanshaw?

As a writer, I collect names. I can never tell when one will inspire a character or finally give a name to a character who desperately needs just the right one. Still I think I’ll pass on these. Except for St. John, because that still sounds sexy to me.

You can see what happens to David Beauchamp (better known as Beach) and Toluaotai Fonoti (better known as Tai—and there’s a story there too!) in Bad Behavior. Now available.

In a lifetime of yes, no is the sexiest word he’s ever heard.

After one too many misunderstandings with the law, wealthy and spoiled David Beauchamp finds himself chained to the city by the GPS and alcohol sensor strapped to his ankle. Awaiting trial, cut off from usual forms of entertainment, he goes looking for a good time—and winds up with his hands full, in more ways than one. The situation only gets more complicated when he’s summoned for a random drug test and comes face-to-face with the dominant man who took him for one hell of a ride the night before.

Probation Officer Tai Fonoti is used to handling other people’s problems, but he’s horrified when one of the extra clients his boss dumps on him is the sweet piece of ass he screwed the night before. It makes getting a urine sample a pretty loaded situation. Tai’s unique brand of discipline has Beach craving more. But while Tai relishes laying down the law in the bedroom, the letter of the law stands between them and kinkily ever after….

About the Author:K.A. Mitchell discovered the magic of writing at an early age when she learned that a carefully crayoned note of apology sent to the kitchen in a toy truck would earn her a reprieve from banishment to her room. Her career as a spin-control artist was cut short when her family moved to a two-story house and her trucks would not roll safely down the stairs. Around the same time, she decided that Ken and G.I. Joe made a much cuter couple than Ken and Barbie and was perplexed when invitations to play Barbie dropped off. She never stopped making stuff up, though, and was thrilled to find out that people would pay her to do it. Although the men in her stories usually carry more emotional baggage than even LAX can lose in a year, she guarantees they always find their sexy way to a happy ending.

K.A. loves to hear from her readers. You can email her at ka@kamitchell.com. She is often found talking about her imaginary friends on Twitter @ka_mitchell.

Buy the book at Amazon, Dreamspinner Press, or Barnes and Noble.