This post is part of a virtual book tour organized by Goddess Fish Promotions. Branden LaNette will be awarding a $50 Amazon or Barnes and Noble GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour. Click on the tour banner to see the other stops on the tour.

Once Upon a Time, Bitches came to me easily and it encompassed everything that was me. As for the title, “Once upon a time” is for the fairytale daydreamer in me. “Bitches” is my term of endearment for all of the queens out there who don’t fit the cookie cutter ideology of what a princess is. I needed it to scream possibilities without the bs. This book is proof that dreams come true if you put in the work and keep showing up no matter how many times you want to quit.

I used to dream and wish for things. For success, for money, for love. I thought all my answers would be found in a prince. He would have the money, he would love me, he would make my life easier, and success would just rain upon me and I would live in a castle forever and ever.

It hit me one day, I couldn’t keep wishing. I was going to have to do something. I was going to have to save myself. Not just in one area of my life, but in all areas. Not just for one day, but for forever. I laughed because once upon a time I had to face the truth…. those words stuck out to me and I felt incredibly compelled to share that truth with other people that may be out there just wishing or waiting for things to happen. What if there were women like me thinking that someone was going to come rescue them, and that if it didn’t happen that they just weren’t worthy? Who is settling because that fairytale life didn’t just “happen” to them?

There is no key character when it comes to my book, other than you. This is about you owning and taking responsibility for your life and then doing something to change it if you’re not happy. If you’re not joyful and content, this is your truth to discover.

I wrote this for adults, but a lot of moms with teenagers have expressed their children’s love for it. A little language never killed anyone, but it has made me feel like I probably need to release a book for teenagers, with maybe one less F bombs! If they could skip through the years of bs I endured. Their life would get an incredible jumpstart on what it is to be happy and not give a f what anyone says or thinks.

I am a wife, and a mom to six kids. I thrive on dreaming big ridiculous dreams, and I love spending time in a quiet room by myself. I’m a walking paradox. Since grade school, teachers have put whispers in my ear about a natural talent I had for writing. I am my happiest when I am creating something with words on paper. I’m incredibly proud of the work and honored that so many people have given it a chance and loved it. I’m even more proud that my publishers got a little reassurance that they didn’t make a mistake taking a chance with me.

That’s Branden on the cover. Yes, she has a boy’s name, a Mom bod, and her tattoos are not photoshopped. She doesn’t look like your typical author and she sure doesn’t look like the next self-help Instagram sweetheart.

However, besides being a wife, mom to six kids (plus others with fur), coach and business owner, Branden is the author of the new book, Once Upon a Time, Bitches. It’s a fast paced, in your face, expletive laced, nothing held back message to women everywhere: There is no magic fairytale, but if YOU work at it enough you can come pretty close to creating your version with a happily ever after.

But first, no more whining and no more damsel locked in a tower, bullsh*t. Is it possible to design a fairytale life? Control your destiny? Be the hero in your story? Branden thinks there is and she wants to help you.

Enjoy an Excerpt

Ever since I was 8 years old, I dreamed of an easy life. The problem with my dream? I expected that fairytale life to be handed to me. And when it wasn’t, I decided that fairytales were bullsh*t. Not that you can’t have a fairytale life—you can. What I understand now, however, is that to get a fairytale life, you’d better be willing to work your Cinderella-ass off for it.

Still, I held on to the fantasy of having an easy life handed to me. I wanted to be saved. To be specific, I thought I needed a guy to be my hero. So I went about trying to find one.

I dated a lot of guys. Lots of guys.

But as they came and went, I always ended up disappointed. Not a single one of them ever made my life easier. Things weren’t going the way I’d planned. WTF? Hadn’t anyone read the f-ing script? It was right there on page 43:
“Tall handsome guy with tight ass, great pecs and a 124-foot yacht named “Sh*tload of Cash” enters stage-left and sweeps Branden off her feet, and they sail off to Barbados.”

Even in my adult years, I would find myself just wishing—not just for prince charming to appear (which he eventually did in the form of my husband, minus the yacht and gobs of cash) but wishing for things in every area of my life. Even today, in my writing/coaching career, I find myself drifting into wish-mode: Why isn’t this easier? Why can’t things just take off and grow overnight? Is it always going to be this hard?

And when it comes to parenting, it’s the same thing. Why can’t parenting just be easy? And in my marriage, too: Why do I have to keep asking for things? Can’t my husband just read my f-ing mind?

One day I—still 8 years old—had the most terror-filled realization in a simple yet profound truth:
No one is coming to save you.
F**k. No one is coming to rescue me. Ever?

My heart broke. More like shattered. Yet, after taking some time to mentally digest this fact, I found this realization liberating somehow. Why was this liberating? Because it meant I could stop waiting for something outside myself for my salvation.

It put me in control. Newsflash, bitches: No one is coming to save you, either. Get it? No. One. Is. Coming. You’re going to have to save yourself.

About the Author: Branden LaNette doesn’t look like a typical author but she has long ignored what she “should” do, say and look like. On her own at a very young age, Branden eventually found herself with the wrong guy, the wrong job, and a bleak future. The fairytale she was promised as a child never materialized.

Finally, Branden decided that she wanted something different for her life, and realized no one was going to do it for her. Prince charming wasn’t coming to save her—she’d have to save herself.

Step by step, decision by decision, through major trials and tribulations that would stop most people in their tracks, Branden learned how to turn heartbreak into happiness and self-judgement into inner joy.

Today, Branden LaNette is an entrepreneur, coach, speaker, wife, and stay-at-home Mom to six C-section babies (ages 1-16) and way too many f-ing pets. Somehow, however, she manages to juggle all of this effortlessly (a blatant lie) while pushing her way through the kinds of fear and self-doubts that whisper within all of us (totally true) to achieve her goals. Her most recent dream come true is this book, one that is destined to have a major impact on millions of women across the globe (or at least nine people in Michigan.)

Through it all, she has found her happiness, her joy, and more importantly, her voice.

Buy the book at Amazon.

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